nani's news...

MCP Project 52 wk 4

2011-01-30T12:08:00.000-07:00

The theme for this weeks photo was "soothing repitition". One of the things that is soothing right now, besides repeatedly lifting a good cup of coffee for a sip, is watching this little doe outside my window while I study. She comes up very near the house, and has shown me on several occasions that as long as I keep about 20 feet between us, she is okay with me being in her space. She was in the yard again last night when I came home, and didn't run off until I slammed the door to the shed. I like the fact that she knows I'm not going to hurt her :) She needs a name...but so far I just call her "little one".

back to the coffee...

MCP Project 52/wk 3

2011-01-20T17:37:00.002-07:00

This weeks theme is Shades of grey. Driving home from work this afternoon, the wind was really whipping around because there is another storm blowing in. Did I mention it is cold?!? brrrr!!! When I started down the road to the house, I noticed the windmill was going like crazy and thought it would make a cool pic. So...here is my week 3 photo:

I am really enjoying the challenge of trying to find a good shot...so far :) School starts Monday and we will see if I am able to keep up with it at that point!

Here's a couple of pics that I didn't enter!

The giving of gifts...

2011-01-17T10:48:00.001-07:00

I have a few thoughts rattling around in my head this morning. Actually, to some degree they are thoughts that I have had before, but for some reason...today...they want to be voiced. It's about the giving of gifts...the "whys" of them.

This is possibly spurred by my "heart projects" from November & December...my decision to focus on my blessings and then to focus those blessings onto others. I was determined to live more intentionally, to not be so much about me. As I've started into the new year, I have been determined to continue to have that focus...and it's not easy! I keep having to beat selfish back.

Why do you give gifts? Is it out of obligation or the benefit you will receive in return? Do you rush into a store thinking you've got to find "something"? Or do you choose a gift that you know will be just what is needed or wanted...regardless of how you feel about it? I think that giving gifts should bring you as much joy as it brings the recipient...I think that's how gifts are intended. Not as an obligation or something that can be crossed off your list.

But I'm going to take that a step further. This is going to be a tough one though...so don't run screaming from the room. I find that taking a tax deduction for gifts or tithes cheapens the gift for me. It is like I gave out of obligation instead of love. It is like giving a gift and then asking for the gift bag, bow & card back so you can return them to the store for credit. Sure...our laws are set up so we have that benefit. It's "legal".

Aren't gifts to be given freely and unconditionally...like our love? If you do things for others out of love, without strings, it means you don't expect anything back. Even if they mock you or don't treat you with respect or love in return...you give because you want to. Maybe you can't connect the dots between giving freely and tax deductions :) I'm just writing down how it feels for me...maybe give you a little food for thought. Or a reason to mock me! Would you give less if you couldn't deduct it?

To take this full circle (in my mind at least), as a Christian...I can't see Jesus asking for credit back on the gift He has given me. Isn't that what I want my life to look like?

MCP Project 52

2011-01-12T19:10:00.001-07:00

Here are the first 2 submissions for my participation in the MCP Project 52.

Week 1 theme was Around The House:

The theme for Week 2 was to illustrate a song...this seemed perfect for today :)

Cold As Ice - by Foreigner

I think this is going to be fun!!

a new year...

2011-01-12T18:12:00.000-07:00

The new year has been here for a couple of weeks, and here I am behind already! To finish up last year, I did finish last semester with the 4.0 I was so hoping for! I was pretty excited about that, but it has since worked its' way back around to uncertainty of the semester that is to come. Classes resume on the 24th, and it will be a challenging one. This semester brings Anatomy & Physiology with it. I have taken this class before...more than 25 years ago...and I still remember how incredibly difficult it was. It's funny, but I am excited to get started and dreading it at the same time!

My December project to focus outside myself and do more giving blessed me in ways I cannot explain. I really don't want to say too much about it, but I had the opportunity to be involved in a few different organized fund raising events, and also did quite a bit of independent type things. I am going to be more organized about planning for that during the year so I will have a better budget for it when it comes time. I have also decided that it doesn't have to be a Christmas project, so I'm looking for ways to make giving part of my everyday life.

I have decided to enter a photography project this year. MCP Project 52 started 2 weeks ago, so I am right on schedule to have signed up today! I think it will be a much healthier project to focus my free time on than was the baking I was doing last semester. I love to take pictures, and now that my lost camera has surfaced, I'm going to be making up for lost time :)

I know that baking will still be part of my life...it gives me too much joy to cut it out completely. I am going to try to focus on finding healthier recipes, and do more cooking than baking. I have always enjoyed baking more...but I need to diversify :) Cupcakes will always be part of my life!!

As I move forward into the new year, I would say my biggest goal is to complete several projects that I have not gotten finished...a couple for several years. They aren't projects I must do, but rather ones that I desire to do in the deepest part of my heart! I will use my creative gifts more this year as well, and I'm really looking forward to that :)

the grands

2011-01-12T17:48:00.001-07:00

Time is surely flying by! My vow to be better with my blogging has obviously not been fulfilled, but I think about it...does that count? Here's a couple of new pictures of the boys.

Sean turns 5 years old this month, and I am finding hard to wrap my head around the fact that he will be off to kindergarten next year! Let me tell you...this is one smart kid! Cash was 3 at the end of December, and he continues to charm the socks off anyone in sight. In sight because he can use those big brown eyes like nobodies business! They are so fun, and such amazing little men.

Benjamin is closing in on 15 months, and it has been recently discovered the he will be a big brother this August! He is so cute, and has dimples that melt my heart! He is full of giggles and loves!

So often I marvel at the fact that I am a nani to these 3 little dudes! When I think about what my grandparents meant to me, it really boggles my mind. One thing is for certain...it is the most fun label I have ever worn :)

Reflections on a month of thankfulness...

2010-11-28T10:40:00.000-07:00

I decided at the beginning of November that I would name at least one thing every day that I was thankful for. It isn't that I don't express thankfulness throughout the year...I just wanted to focus on it more and really challenge myself to be aware of all the good things in my life. I think it was a pretty effective exercise. Even though there were some challenges this month...I determined not to allow them to become the place I rested. I think it is a good habit to carry on going forward!

The "big picture" in all this is that we too often take things for granted. One day, I focused on being thankful for water...a couple of days after that, the water at the house froze and I was reminded how much I expect the basic things to just be there. We really do take so many things for granted...going to the faucet and turning it on knowing water will come out is just one of them. In light of all the people I realize don't have the basic necessities, I am working on reminding myself daily to be thankful for the things I forget too often to be thankful for. I really think that some of our biggest blessings are the things we take for granted.

There are several little ones that I have been keeping close in my heart. Someone once told me that I get too involved in the blogs and stories of these sick kids, but I really think it is connected to the reasons that I feel so drawn to pediatric nursing. I can't even explain how they plant themselves in my heart, and I want to be able to be a bigger part of their stories. A facebook friend posted a question yesterday...something like "if money were no obstacle, what is the one thing you would do?". I hadn't really thought about it lately....what is that "thing". But it came to me quickly, perhaps because there was recently another family affected by cancer that has had their whole world turned upside down...jobs put on hold...too much time spent in the hospital...other children to tend to...where to live? Though they are "struggling well", it would be great if there was a way to take some of that struggle away. My answer to what my "thing" was...I think it would be so amazing to have a big farm with a big house & barn that I could open to families that have kids at the children's hospital. A place for the siblings to run...people to help care for them when the parents need to be at the hospital. A big, warm & welcoming place of rest. I even found the perfect place...and all I need is about 8 million dollars to make it happen! Now that...would be awesome :)

We have about 3 more weeks of this semester until Winter break. Things are going well school-wise, but I find myself with a touch of dread every now and then for what is ahead. Next semester will be a challenge for sure. I am excited and scared out of my wits :) In the midst of it all, I am determined to remain focused on my blessings...and my anatomy book!

Time for an update!

2010-11-05T11:07:00.000-06:00

Since it was 49 degrees in the house when I got up this morning, and I am having a hard time getting the fire to want to go, I thought that I would do something useful while I sit here in front of the little portable heater. I could do some homework...but I'm not ready yet :) I am still working on my first cup of coffee...homework will consume the rest of the day. It's not getting my coffee.

I'm continuing to plug away at school. I still question pretty regularly whether I can really get this accomplished...but I'm determined to give it a go! Algebra is a regular struggle for me...I don't understand it and I have no confidence for it. We will go through a lesson that I understand and actually find fun (like a Sudoku puzzle) and then "build" a new skill onto it that doesn't even resemble the first one...and just when I start to get it, it gets put into a "word problem" (we called them story problems in my early math days). I strongly dislike word problems. They give me nightmares of epic proportions. Yes...I'm being dramatic. But just barely...

I alternately detest & love Biology. We just went through a section on Evolution...and I had a good time with that! Now we are going over the different types of bacteria's and gross things that are part of our body that I don't even want to write about outside of Biology class :( I went through a bit of a struggle with my Nursing professor. I didn't want to struggle too much with her because I will have her for several courses over the next few years. But she did get my hackles raised. I'm still maintaining an "A" average...but hanging onto it in Algebra by the skin of my teeth.

I am semi-settling in to life in the new house. I am even getting better at chopping wood. I think about my Nursing prof while I chop, and that has really seemed to help! I need to put up a new post about the grands with some pictures...they are all growing so much!! I have this indescribable love for them...super protective like "hyper-mom" mode. Yet at the same time, a peace that they are being so well taken care of. I love them so much!

OK...it appears I finally have a sustained fire, and my coffee cup is sadly empty. So I will refill it and get on to the homework portion of my day. Which will pretty much be the whole day. Which may require a 2nd pot of coffee :)

Sweet Potato Cornbread

2010-10-29T14:53:00.001-06:00

I found this recipe a bit ago (right after I made the Pumpkin Chili!) at Easy To Be Gluten Free and have been wanting to try it ever since! Today is a bit of a grey day, and I should be doing homework...so I decided it was the perfect day to try this out! Still no battery charger for my camera, so you can go to the above link and check out the picture. Mine looked pretty much like that...except for the plate. I don't have those :)

Sweet Potato Cornbread (gluten free)

2 c. plain cornmeal
4 t. baking powder
1/4 c. sugar
1 t. ground cinnamon
1 1/2 c. milk
1 c. mashed cooked sweet potato
1/4 c. melted butter
1 large egg, beaten

Whisk together all ingredients until the dry ingredients are moistened. Spoon batter into a greased 8" cast-iron skillet or baking pan. Bake @ 425 for 20-25 mins or until toothpickk inserted in center comes out clean.

I pretty much made this as shown. I stuck a couple of sweet potatoes (I actually think they are yams...the ones with red skin and an orange flesh) in the oven @ 375 for about 45 mins until they were fork tender. I mashed up about 1/2 of one of them. You could probably buy canned stuff...but really...you should just bake them fresh. The main reason is that the other half...it was a fine dessert mashed up with a dab of butter and a sprinkling of brown sugar :) I also was almost out of milk...so I used 1 c. skim milk, and a 1/2 cup of fat free half & half. I know fat free half & half is an oxymoron...but it works in my coffee!! And today it worked in cornbread :) I baked this in an 8" cake pan and it worked really well! I would say it is a little moister than some cornbreads, but the flavor was good! I might try a dash of salt in it the next time. I thought about leaving the cinnamon out...you really can't taste it...but cinnamon is good for you, so leave it in! As long as I'm being bossy...make a pot of pumpkin chili to go with it!

Now...I must study. I really, really must...

Pumpkin Chili

2010-10-17T20:00:00.002-06:00

Last week, a friend posted on facebook that she had eaten Pumpkin Chili. I had never heard of it! So of course I had to google :) Seriously...google rocks! I found a bunch of recipes, and read through a dozen or so of them. Each were a little different, and I didn't know what I was looking for. I didn't want one that was sweet, and I didn't want one that tasted like pie. What I settled on was one that looked quick & easy...one pan! Since school has started, I haven't done alot of cooking because time seems to be at a premium. Here is the recipe:

Pumpkin Chili

2 T vegetable oil
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 c. coarsely chopped red bell pepper
1 clove garlic, chopped
1 lb. ground turkey breast (or burger)
2 15 oz. cans diced tomatoes, undrained (use Rotel Mexican if you want spicy)
1 15 oz. can pumpkin puree
1 15 oz. can tomato sauce
1 15 oz. can kidney beans, drained & rinsed
1 4 oz. can diced chilies, undrained
1/2 c. whole kernel corn, drained
1 T. chili powder
1 t. ground cumin
1 t. salt
1/2 t. ground pepper

Heat oil in the bottom of pan over med high heat (I used my large dutch oven). Add onion, bell pepper & garlic. Cook about 5 mins or until tender. Add turkey & cook until browned. If you use reg. ground turkey or hamburger, you will have to drain the fat. With the turkey breast, there wasn't any :)

Add remaining ingredients & bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low, cover & simmer for 30 mins. Stir occasionally. I don't know how many servings exactly, but my pot was quite full and would feed a family for sure!

You can really change this up however it will work for your family, but the way I listed it above is really healthy! You could use black beans if you don't like kidney beans. I made cornbread muffins, broke a couple into a bowl & spooned the the chili in the middle...YUMMO! I think it would be good on top of Fritos too :) Or top it with some cheese or sour cream.

Now if the thought of pumpkin has you thinking NO WAY! Trust me, you can't taste the pumpkin. It is a light tasting, very thick chili! It is a great way to get some good vitamins into your kids (and you!). Pumpkin is rich in vitamins...esp beta carotene that converts to Vitamin A and is great in the fight against cancer.

Give it a try!!

it's October???

2010-10-08T09:44:00.000-06:00

Wow...when did that happen?? The last couple of weeks seem to have gone by in a blaze and a fog. I would think it was smoke from the blaze, but it's cold in here...so I'm sure it's fog!! A kind neighbor dropped off enough wood for a couple of days...but I didn't tell him how long it had been since I had actually started a fire in a wood stove and wasn't quite sure how to do it without starting the house on fire. I actually let the excuse that I was heading to town for a study group do the talking (which was true), but in retrospect...5 minutes of humble would make it easier to type. Without my hands in my armpits to warm up my fingers. My friend that owns the house will be in town this afternoon for the weekend, and since she likes it much warmer than me, I'm sure she will educate me :)

School is going ok...I want to say it is going well because I currently DO have an "A" average in all my classes. But my oh my...it is a struggle. I can't remember a time when I have been so tired. I was taking a Biology quiz online at 11:30 last night. It was SO hard...it was a test that seemed designed to show me how little I was comprehending about one subject (having a little trouble with heterozygous & homozygous genotypes...seriously...a little help?). We are studying cancer & genetics currently, and I focused on the cancer aspect of things since that is the area I am most interested in...but my focus was off. The online system allows us to retake a test, and since I missed 2 questions, I decided to retake it while it was fresh in my mind. That allowed me to get a perfect score, and very little sleep.

Then there is Algebra. sigh....we are currently learning linear equations and how to graph them. Or something like that. I have never felt so dumb. I had 3 sections of homework to do yesterday (because I think my professor was a race car driver at one time and loves speed!). I thought it would be best to tackle the homework on the same day as my class...while it was still fresh in my mind (you can see how that phrase "fresh in my mind" plagues me). I had to go in to work for a bit in the afternoon, so I decided to do my homework there. I started it at roughly 2:00...with no break...I left for home last night at about 7:30. Yes...just over 5 hours. I felt like I knew what I was doing in class yesterday...then I completely forgot it when I sat down in front of the computer :( The good news is that I learned how to calculate the slope of the hill I don't have (take) the time to ride my bike up! When I can remember. Which seems like never.

Some days I am so glad that I am doing this...and some days I am questioning my sanity on an hourly basis. Wonder what type of day today will be?? I guess there is only one way to find out!

The week ahead

2010-09-20T09:39:00.000-06:00

Just a quick update on what's happening!

This will be a challenging week. I have my first Biology quiz on Tuesday, and then I have to take a Biology exam before Friday. It is, of course, the class I am most behind in my reading in. Every time I sit down to read, I start blinking really long and yawning. More sleep would probably help with that. I only have part of my homework assignments, but what has been posted is...monumental. Some of the classes I'm taking online would be easier in a classroom situation. There really isn't anything I can do about that at this point, but I will have to be smarter about that next semester.

I went out to the place I will be moving to yesterday to do some preparation for the move next weekend. I'm still trying to make some decisions about what is going, and what is going into storage. I also need to round up some firewood this week! I keep putting that off, but the weather is definitely changing, and I need to get it done!

I did take a couple of small loads to storage this weekend, but packing has been an almost non-exsistent project. I went to pick up a couple of boxes for my dishes...but they are still all wrapped up cozy in their plastic coats. I'm thinking it's going to be a long week that is over way too quickly!! So I best be getting on with it :)

Pumpkin anyone??

2010-09-17T15:17:00.001-06:00

O.K...this has to stop. Seriously. I can only use the excuse that I'm cleaning out my cupboards for so long! I am also using the excuse that the weather cooled off again, and I just want to create something besides a headache from all the studying! WAH! Oh...poor, poor me!!

I used the last of my sugar with this recipe though...so I think I'm done baking until after I get moved :) I am undecided about this one...one of my favorite parts of pie is the crust, and these are almost too much like crustless pumpkin pie. But then again...I like them! I know everyone has "comment phobia", but I would love to hear from you if you make these. I got the recipe from Baking Bites ... yet another website I need to stay away from!

Impossible Pumpkin Pie Cupcakes

2/3 c. all purpose flour
1/4 t. baking powder
1/4 t. baking soda
1/4 t. salt
2 t. pumpkin pie spice
1 15 oz. can pumpkin puree
1/2 c. sugar
1/4 c. brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 t. vanilla
3/4 c. half & half (or evaporated milk)

Mix together the first 5 ingredients & set aside. Mix remaining ingredients until well combined, then add dry ingredients & mix until batter is smooth and there are no flour streaks.

Line muffin pan w/paper liners & fill about 3/4 full. Bake 20 mins @ 350 degs. Cool cupcakes in pan. Chill before serving. Top with whipped cream. Makes 12 cupcakes.

**my notes...I doubled this because I had a large can of pumpkin (29 oz) and a large can of evap milk (uses almost entire can), and this recipe yielded 21 regular sized cuppies, and 24 minis!! I'm not even kidding! I used my ice cream scoop to fill the pans and it was about a level scoop each. I didn't have pie spice, so I used cinnamon, ginger & nutmeg (not a clove fan, but that is part of pie spice)...I would say I used about 1/2 cinnamon and then combined ginger & nutmeg for the rest. I think these would be really good with the pecan type praline topping like that yummy pumpkin custard dish my Grandma Krueger used to make! I wonder if they would raise up? Oh yeah! Almost forgot!! These will rise like a regular cupcake, but they will sink like nobodies business as they cool! That's ok...they are supposed to do that : )

I like the flavor of these alot, but it is so close to pumpkin pie that I miss the crust :( Still a keeper though! I'm going to go on a little "share the love" run and see if I can get them out of my kitchen...along with the rest of the chocolate cake! The people I shared that with yesterday said it was yummy...I concur. So I'm going to get the rest of it out of my kitchen too!!! Then I'm going to finish my Medical Terminolgy assignment & quiz for the week. Really...I am.

A reason to celebrate!

2010-09-16T19:03:00.001-06:00

Let's see...it's a Thursday! It's my daughter & son-in-laws wedding anniversary! Hmmm...what else happened today??? Oh yeah....I got an "A" on my first Algebra test!!! If you didn't hear the shout of joy, you must live over 500 miles away from me!

I would like to say that this baking was another step towards baking down my cupboards before packing, but I had to buy a couple of things I was out of (due to baking down my supplies!). But I got one look at this picture, saw how easy the recipe was and decided today was the day!

I found the recipe at Let's Dish (where there is always all sorts of yummy going on!). I really liked it because it was easy to put together, and didn't have a ton of ingredients! This cake would be a good "potluck" cake or something to take to a friend.

Chocolate Fudge Bundt Cake

1 Chocolate cake mix
1 small box instant Chocolate pudding mix
2 c. Sour Cream
3 Eggs
1/3 c. vegetable oil
1/2 c. water
2 c. semi sweet chocolate chips (I used minis)

Preheat oven to 350. Grease & flour 10" bundt pan. Mix together all ingredients (except chocolate chips) until well blended. Fold in chocolate chips. Spoon batter into pan (it will be on the thick side). Bake 50 mins to 1 hour. Cool 15 mins before removing from pan.

**my notes...I sprayed the pan generously with Pam (except for that one spot I missed!) and it came out fine. I checked it after 50 mins of baking and decided it needed 5 more minutes. In retrospect...I wish I would have taken it out at 50 mins. The inside is still fudgy, but the outside was a little drier than I wish it were.

I made a drizzle out of about a cup of powdered sugar, a tablespoon of cocoa & a little hot water. Since I am really tired, I decided to throw in a tablespoon of instant coffee granules. I'm not sorry I did that...but I am sorry I didn't disolve them in the water first. I also had some fat free cool whip in the fridge, so I dropped a spoonful of that on...and it made me smile. You could serve this with a sprinkling of powdered sugar and skip the glaze, or you could make whatever topping you like. The cake is really rich, and would probably be really yummy with some fresh berries spooned over the whipped cream too! Lots of options!

And now...I must get back to studying!

In need of new glasses...

2010-09-10T12:25:00.001-06:00

I heard something recently that has continued to bounce around in my head and in my heart, and I just feel like I need to write it down and learn from it. The discussion was about the break up of a marriage, but I think this applies to any relationship/friendship or whatever other kind of ship you want to sail it on. The answer to the "what happened?" question was "we stopped seeing each other". Who have you stopped seeing lately?

This came to me at the same time as I was having some discussions with various people about the statements like "I'm here for you" or "let me know if there is anything I can do". Do we show our support with our voice only, when it would be better to just show up with a casserole & a hug? How often have I made a statement like that, and at the same time in my head thought "please don't ask because I'm too busy". Oh how selfish it makes me feel to even admit that...but it is the truth.

Many marriages & friendships start out in giddy anticipation of how cool things will be now that we have found the "one" that we can do this or that with. As time goes on, if we don't work on it together and make great effort, those things get too far away to see. Why will we make the effort to go to the doctor for a stronger prescription, but not be willing to do the work it takes to make a relationship strong? The things that matter the most or we think will always be there (even if they are ignored), are the things we take for granted. And then we go about looking for something new to fill the hole that occurs as we move in different directions.

I have come to the realization lately that too often my voice shows up, but my hands & feet have stayed behind to take a nap. I don't want to live this way! Love is a verb...an action word. I love you should not be followed by "but". It should be I love you! Not just when it is easy or convenient. Not just when I will get something out of it...but when I can put more into it and not even realize that I have. Because love doesn't keep track of who did what how many times.

I'm working hard right now to renew my prescription...to clear the garbage off the lenses of the eyes of my heart. I don't want any regrets I feel at the end of my life to be ones that I could have avoided...if only I hadn't stopped seeing the things that matter the most.

Punkins

2010-09-05T10:57:00.002-06:00

Since I am moving, I have been trying to use up the stuff in my cupboards so I don't have to pack it. Saturday morning I decided I needed to play with some flour, and since I had a couple of zucchini I decided I needed to do something with them! So I started with my Grandma's pumpkin bread recipe and tweaked it until pretty much the only thing left of it is the pumpkin...and came up with Punkins.

Mix together:

3 1/2 c. pureed pumpkin (because it is a whole, large can)

1 c. white sugar

1 c. brown sugar (packed)

1/2 c. applesauce

1/2 c. oil

In a separate bowl, mix together & add to above:

1 1/2 c. whole wheat flour

2 c. white flour

2 2/3 t. baking soda

1 T. cinnamon

2 t. salt

**if you throw this into your Kitchenaid mixer like me, mix it only until its combined or your muffins will be tough & chewy. I stopped mine before it was completely mixed in and finished it by hand after adding:

3/4 c. raisins (soak them in hot water a few minutes first to plump em up!)

1/2 c. nuts (I used hazelnuts because I had them in the cupboard)

2 c. grated zucchini (leave the peel on)

Fold it together by hand, and don't over mix it! Line your muffin pan with paper liners, or if you want to serve them warm...just spray the pan with Pam & skip the liners because they don't come out cleanly until they are completely cooled! Fill the cups 2/3 full and bake at 350 degs. Now...I made 2 different sizes, and these are dense & moist (because that's how I like them). I baked the jumbo muffins for 45 mins and the regular size ones for 35 mins. The toothpick test doesn't work on these...tried it with the first batch & it came out clean...but they were NOT done! I put these in a ziploc bag after they were cool, and they are better the 2nd day and the liners peel right off! This recipe yielded 12 jumbo muffins and 10 regular size muffins. If you want to bake it as a bread, it would make 2 loaves. You would probably need to bake the loaves an hour & 15ish minutes.

Just a note on the hazelnuts (or filberts as we always called them). My grandparents Krueger used to have a filbert orchard, and we picked nuts with them from the time we were small. I love the fact that I was "tweaking" one of my Grandma's recipes, and those are the only nuts I had on hand! They also always had a large garden that they would use to feed most of their church with, so zucchini was always plentiful this time of year. So these muffins definitely were a walk down memory lane for me :)

PC2 Cookies

2010-08-31T20:30:00.004-06:00

Today was my first Algebra class, and as I left the building and got in my car my first thought was "all I want to do is bake cookies". So in honor of my first Algebra class...I did a little Chemistry. I decided to call these cookies PC2 (squared...but I don't know how to do that) :) They contain peanut butter, chocolate & coffee...and they didn't turn out half bad!!

Cream together:
1/2 c. softened butter
1/2 c. peanut butter
1/2 c. granulated sugar
1/2 c. brown sugar (packed)
1 egg
1 t. vanilla

Add:
1 1/2 c. flour
3 T. Cocoa powder
1 T. instant coffee crystals
1 t. baking soda
1/4 t. salt

When the above it combined, add:
1/2 c. chocolate chips
1/2 c. peanut butter chips
1/2 c. walnuts or pecans

Roll into balls & bake at 350 degs. for about 12 mins (depending on the size). I like my cookies soft in the middle, so I tend to underbake a little. These are perfect for that because the outside gets a little crispy, and the center stays soft :) This batch made about 2 dozen cookies.

Glaze:
1/2 c. powdered sugar
1 T. cocoa powder (heaping)
1 t. instant coffee crystals (or so...probably more!)
1 T. peanut butter (heaping)
Hot water to bring to drizzle consistency

I kept my glaze on the thick side so it would mostly stay on the cookies. It won't get hard, but it will have an almost ganache type texture when it cools. mmm.... I let the first batch cool a bit before I drizzled, and the 2nd batch got drizzled while they were still hot...it worked well both ways. If you drizzle while hot, you can put a couple on a sweet little plate, pour yourself a cold glass of milk and kick back for a few minutes.

**sorry about the picture...I lost my good camera and was trying to get a good shot with my old one :(

The question without an answer...

2010-08-31T08:56:00.001-06:00

For the last 24 hours, the question that is most constant in my mind is "can I do this...really?". There is part of me that says "of course you can!" and a part (currently the larger part) that is saying "I really don't know". There is a reason you go to college when you are young and have lots of energy...when you don't need as much sleep and bounce back quickly.

I know this is what I am meant to do. What I'm wondering is...isn't there a way to do it without taking these classes?? Will learning prime factorization really help me be a nurse & love on people?? I believe that college is meant to turn young people into well rounded individuals...give them a solid knowledge base to build on. sigh...yes, I'm complaining already. After the first day!

I spent the weekend finishing the purge project. I have donated a ton of stuff to a garage sale being held at a local church this weekend. They are raising money to help 4 families cover the costs of adopting some kids from the Phillipines, so I used that as a reminder when I was going through the boxes. I felt like I had to pry my fingers off of some of it, but I have gotten rid of a lot. The move...to someplace...will be before the end of the month. I still don't have the details of that nailed down, but hope to know by the weekend.

OK! I'm off to gather my books & pencils and head to my Algebra class. Let the madness continue!

I'm counting the days...

2010-08-26T22:40:00.000-06:00

As of right this minute, it is 4 days until I am a college student :) I spent the day at the campus in Missoula for orientation and to buy my books. I was happy I didn't listen to the people at the college and wait until today to register for classes. There wouldn't have been any! I was so surprised at how many people showed up to register today!

I didn't get into my Anatomy class this semester, and that is disheartening. It puts me a semester behind...which I don't want! The very least time it will take me to get my full degree is 3 1/2 years :( That is if I get in right away (and the program is VERY competitive), and if I pass my boards on my first shot.

I am continuing to whittle down my worldly possesions. It looks like I will be putting my things back into storage for a bit. I got to thinking, and in the last 10 years, my "stuff" has been in storage more than half of that time. I am getting it whittled down a lot though. The first year that I had my little grandma house, I had a double garage full of stuff. I had a storage unit for part of it in CA. I had a larger storage unit for most of it in AK. Do we even need to go into the 2 week vacation I took to OR almost 2 years ago? I still say I couldn't decide what to take, so I took it all :) I moved it down there into storage, then moved it back here into storage when I couldn't get back into a house right away. I really have gotten rid of alot!! I am going through things a second time in the past 2 weeks...trying to be unemotional about what stays & what goes. But it's hard...they are little pieces of me. Pieces of my past that made me who I am. I know the things didn't make me who I am...but some of them are hard to let go of. I don't want to forget how & why I'm here. But it just seems silly to store some of it again.

It has been a crazy week, and I will need to work like crazy this weekend to catch up a bit. I have a few other projects up my sleeve as well! Monday begins the new chapter in earnest! I am still excited...and scared to death!

Chocolate Banana Muffins

2010-08-21T16:49:00.002-06:00

I made these this week from a recipe I found at How Sweet It Is, and besides being pretty healthy...they were pretty tasty as well! One of my bananas wasn't quite as ripe, so I added a little extra applesause to keep them moist enough. I will make this recipe again, but I might try to add something to moisten them up a bit more. I also only baked them for about 18 minutes. They have a good flavor though! I'm really happy that it has been cooling off sooner at night...I can open the windows & doors & crank up the oven. That makes me very happy :)

a frustrating week end...

2010-08-21T16:32:00.002-06:00

So I did go to the college on Friday, and it was a quick exercise in frustration. They told me they simply could not give me more information because they didn't have any more information to give me. I knew I should have just stayed home...but I guess I thought I could move things faster if I got "noisy". About an hour after I got home, I got an email from the college that my financial aid award was ready. I logged on to my college website to check it out, and things just kinda went downhill from there.

I had the numbers all in my mind, and was just sure it was going to come in at what I expected and everything would be ok. That wasn't the case. What that means right now is that I can no longer live where I am living. I have looked at other places, and they are either complete dumps or way too expensive. I really wanted to stay here because I really like my house.

That's where it gets hard. I knew I was going to have to give some things up. I knew it wasn't going be a smooth sail. But I was really hoping this part would remain constant and I wouldn't have to add moving and all that entails into the mix right now. I'm not a young, starry eyed college student with my whole life ahead of me to makes mistakes. I've done that...I've been that. This is the first place I've lived in 10 years that's felt like home...I finally even put stuff up on the walls! I'm trying not to be a baby about it...but it is hard.

I know I will figure it out. I'm not going to lie...there have been a few moments when I wondered if it was even worth it. I don't want to fight it. But I believe this is the right thing for me. I guess the question then becomes...how do I get there? That is what I need to figure out. Sooner rather than later.

It's official!

2010-08-19T22:38:00.000-06:00

I got a call from the college today that they had finally received all my paperwork, and I was officially a student! I am so excited...and I am scared to death! The next couple of weeks will be very busy. I am still wrestling around about the financial aid. The poor girl I talked to on the phone this afternoon...she probably wanted to hang up on me. I said "I'm getting very nervous about the timing of all this" and she said something like "yes...we are approaching crunch time". I laughed and said "I would have thought we were AT crunch time"...and she agreed with me. I'm going to make a trip up there tomorrow to have a face to face conversation with the people behind actual desks.

The only reason it is freaking me out just a touch is that I am already set to go to part time with my job at the first of the month...and there really is no turning back from that. Since a majority of my classes with be at the satellite campus where I live, it doesn't make sense to me to move until next Spring/Summer when all my classes will be on the Missoula campus. But if I can't financially swing staying in my current rental...I need to find something else soon! Before my part time paycheck :(

I'm just moving forward...continuing to trust that the right path will make itself clear when it's time. But.......oh my. I would be lying if I said my stomach was getting the same message. Doesn't matter much what I feed it...it's just not happy.

I will be doing the bookkeeping at my old job from home, and we moved my office already. I'm still am in a major state of disorganization! Hopefully I will get it all ironed out before classes start. If I have to move...then we are in a whole nother kettle of fish!

College. Me. A week & a half. ARGH!!!!!!!!

moving forward...

2010-08-12T15:13:00.001-06:00

This week has been one of those "hurry up & wait" weeks. It can be a bit frustrating, but I can't rush the system! And it certainly isn't their fault I waited until the last minute :)

Monday morning bright & early I got the first of two MMR immunizations. Then I had to take a math placement test. sigh...Algebra. I don't get it! I never have gotten it. I look at the equations, and they just look like greek to me :( So I aced the "real" math parts...and the algebra...not so much. I will be starting with Introductory Algebra. It probably a good thing I have 3 semesters to fill my prerequisites...I have time to be a little dense! So I have everything done that I can do, and am now waiting for the college to catch up with me so I can take the next steps.

We are to move my office at work tomorrow to my house. We were actually to do that today...but I'm not ready. I am turning my 2nd bedroom into an office, and it had been turned into a storage room mess before that. I decided that I will go through every box and drastically reduce the amount of "stuff" I am packing around. So that is taking much longer than I anticipated...about the last thing I want to do after work all day. I am completely serious when I say that every flat surface in my house has something piled on it. I am very weary of the mess of it all, and will be really glad when it is done!

The good thing is that we are in a cool weather place right now! We have had lots of thunder storms and rain this week, which means that my house doesn't get so hot that you don't even want to breath in it. The bad part is...it makes me want to bake!!! I have a box of butter that I have taken out of my fridge 3 times to soften, and put it back in each night. My cookbook is open on the counter to Snickerdoodles...because I need to send some to AK :) I am hoping the weather stays cool, and I will tackle it this weekend.

If I could ask for your prayers, it would be in the area of Financial Aid! Until all my info is input at the college, I won't know what I am eligible for. In 2 weeks I go to part time work and full time school! I won't know if I have to move until I know what my income is :) so...it could get even a little more interesting than "normal". I'm not going to worry about it...much :)

The next step...

2010-08-07T00:19:00.000-06:00

I read a book several years ago titled "Just Enough Light For The Step I'm On". The title & concept of that book are something that have never left me. I have learned that no matter how well you think you have your life planned out, there is always the possibility that change is just around the bend. And so it goes with my life now.

Several weeks ago I made the decision to return to school. I started to work towards my Registered Nursing degree almost 30 years ago. The timing wasn't good when I tried before...married 3 years, just bought our first house, a 2 year old, a 3 month old and a part time job. It was a recipe for disaster! Right now I can't even remember all that went into the decision to go at that time. When the medical clinic I was working in offered me a full time position that summer...I took it and put school on the back burner!

The last 10 years have been filled with lots of changes...put into motion initially by a change I didn't want. I live my life as though it isn't my own as much as possible...because I believe it isn't. I have a deep faith in God, and believe that I need to be listening for His voice when decisions are being made.

So there was a move to CA. Many lessons were learned in the 18 months I was there. I threw down a challenge for God...kind of an "oh yeah...you want me to do that? You're going to have to show me". And He did. So I went. I didn't have a job there...just some friends and some dreams. The job came to me after I had been there a little over a month...and it came in such a way that there was no doubt Who had brought it :) My time there was hard...I was a part of another story that was painful. I believe that was one of the big reasons I was there, and I don't regret it for a minute. But it was hard...and hard to walk away from. When it was time to go, I knew it absolutely. I miss the beach & my friends there...but not the pace of life!

Then came a move to AK. I had never been, but again...I had some friends there. I again went without a job...sure that I was going where I was supposed to be going. I applied for a lot of jobs there...whined a lot that I must have heard wrong. Then the reason I was in AK kind of fell into my lap.

I took everything I had...everything...borrowed some more and bought a Christian bookstore. I lived with my friends part of the year, and house sat through the winters. I continued to put everything I made back into the business. AK is a hard place to live as a single female...especially when you are working 6+ days a week for 10-12 hours a day, and I missed my kids! I put the store up for sale, and over the course of a year had 3 offers that were accepted and then fell through for one reason or another. The people that made the last offer got all the way through the approval process with SBA. To make a long, painful story shorter...the last people that I accepted an offer from opened a competing store shortly after our sale fell through. They were new and exciting...and people went. After a few months of me putting more than I had into the business on the advice of my real estate agent (to keep it "sellable"), I knew I could not continue that way. One of the people that made an offer that hadn't been able to swing the price still wanted the store. So I "sold" it to her on paper for just the amount on my loan to the original seller. I walked away from it with nothing but a lot of debt.

I really enjoyed my time there, and I was part of a ton of amazing stories...I don't regret any of it because even the really hard stuff has made me stronger. I am continually being shaped into the person I am meant to be.

Now...I am being drawn in another new direction. As one of my friends put it "shouldn't you be getting ready to sit in a rocking chair and knit or something?" :) Nah...my story is still being written! I had always wanted to be a labor & delivery nurse, but I feel God pulling me in another direction. Pediatric Oncology. I don't know if I can do it. I love kids, but I get emotionally attached easily! And I cry...a lot! I met with my advisor this week, and she was amazingly encouraging. She gave me the name of a cancer camp here in MT, and since part of my prerequisites are 80-100 hours of volunteer work...I'm going to apply there for next summer. I have been reminded that those sick kids...they are someones children or grandchildren. After going through breast cancer with my Mom last year, I know first hand that a compassionate nurse can make all the difference!

If you are still reading...thanks for hanging in there! Stay tuned for stories from my new adventure...it's gonna be quite a ride!!! If you have any questions...ask! I'm pretty much an open book :)

A little sugar :)

2010-08-06T23:14:00.001-06:00

I haven't done a lot of baking lately, but last week was a work friends last day and we wanted to make it special. So...I had to get into the kitchen!

First...chocolate! These were so easy...just mixed up a boxed brownie mix and followed the directions for "cakelike" brownies. I baked them in my mini cupcake tin and filled each one about 3/4's full. While they were in the oven, I unwrapped a bunch of mini Reese's PB cups and stuck them in the freezer for a bit. When the brownies came out of the oven, they had a crown on them. After letting them sit for just a minute, I took a little peanut butter cup and pushed it down into the brownie. MMMMMM!!!!

Next, I wanted to do something pretty :) I started with a plain Vanilla cake, and filled it with Raspberry filling. I frosted it with a whipped cream cheese frosting, and added a little Raspberry filling on top. These turned out pretty good...a definite repeat performer!

Endings are hard, and we seem to have had too many of them lately at work :( But I heard somewhere that each ending is a chance for a new beginning! So I wish nothing but the best for my friend as she searches out her new direction.

Sean & Cash...

2010-05-28T14:01:00.000-06:00

I can't believe how fast the boys are growing! Sean turned 4 in January, and Cash was 2 last December. They are the coolest kids :) I am continually thankful that I get to be close enough to be a part of their lives! So here are a couple of updated pics of them!! I love the picture of Cash following Sean on the bikes...they love each other so much, and are really starting to interact and be "brotherlike". So awesome!

Benjamin :)

2010-05-28T13:51:00.001-06:00

I have been SO remiss with my blog! I realized that I haven't even mentioned Benjamin Gerald's arrival last October! Mr. Ben is now 7 whole months old, and such a cutie! Here's the proof!

I feel so incredibly blessed to be able to be nearby!! :)

Jason & Jodie are great parents, and Benjamin is thriving. He has the prettiest blue eyes and a sweet little dimple in his right cheek! The above picture is his first swing ride!

birthday cake...

2009-08-24T13:11:00.011-06:00

I have done alot of baking in my lifetime...but I must admit...I do not bake cakes from "scratch". I have always figured "hey, someone else has done all that work for me!". But I just may have to change my tune.

Saturday night about 11 p.m. (because it was too hot in my house to do anything before that) I started out baking my sons birthday cake. From scratch. And besides being very tired by the time I was done baking...I really enjoyed it. I had determined I was going completely by the book on this one, and also bought my first box of cake flour. Before now, I figured flour was flour. Evidently that is not true!

I purchased a new cookbook last month almost solely due to the title and the picture on the front cover. You can check it out here and if you like cookbooks like I like cookbooks...you should get one because it's a dandy :)

I decided to make the German Chocolate cake because I wanted something "not too sweet" to go with some frosting that promised (and did NOT disappoint) to be "I think I have a new cavity" sweet! As I mentioned before, I got real cake flour...I also bought real buttermilk (I usually make my own with milk & lemon juice). I even brewed a fresh pot of coffee instead of doing instant!

I came to the conclusion that there is something really theraputic about measuring out all the ingredients. And I did measure! I even added the eggs one at a time like the recipe says...but why? Aren't they all going in anyway?? I will have to google the answer to that because I don't understand. It was fun :) Even though it was midnight when I was putting the cake (in my new cupcake cake pan) in the oven! Since I had lots of leftover batter, I decided to make baby cuppy cakes since the grands would be at this dinner as well. And I STILL had leftover batter, and I'm sorry Mom, but I ended up washing some down the drain.I decided not to make the frosting until the next morning because I didn't want to have to keep it in the fridge overnight. The frosting of choice?? Peanut Butter buttercream. Mmmmm!! Let me tell you...this is a very sweet frosting! But let me also tell you...with this frosting you can forget the cake if you want too. It totally passed the spoon test :) And doesn't it look pretty in process in the bowl??

Peanut Butter buttercream frosting

1/2 c. peanut butter (JIF!!)
4 1/2 c. powdered sugar
1 1/2 t. vanilla
6-8 T. milk
Cream peanut butter, add sugar & vanilla, add milk till it reaches the desired texture.
When I was all done, it looked like this!
Did I get a picture of the "almost" birthday boy with his cake? nope. Did I get a picture of my youngest grandboy putting his whole cuppy in his mouth at once? nope! Once the cake was underway...I forgot about my camera!! I think it was a hit though :) That totally from scratch thing is worth the effort on taste! And there is still a small amount of leftover frosting in my fridge crying out my name...

mmm....peanut butter :)

2009-07-22T18:33:00.006-06:00

I found this recipe here and had been really wanting to try them! So a few nights ago...when it was still 79 degrees in my house...at 9:30 p.m....I decided to turn on the oven and give them a whirl!

First of all, I had more batter than enough for 12 cuppies. I had a few choices...dump the extra (perish the thought!), eat the extra (thought about this one a lllooonnnggg time!) or fill the cups too full. I decided to fill the cups too full...which of course meant I had to bake them too long and the top dried out a bit. And they fell cuz they really weren't as done as I thought.

All this turned out to be a good news/bad news sort of thing though. First of all, they smelled like peanut butter cookies baking :) Second of all, the sorta crunchy tops TASTED like peanut butter cookies and last (but oh...so not least) the slightly underdone bottoms tasted like peanut butter brownies. I determined that the sunken middles were crying out for extra frosting...so I put the little buggers out of their misery by giving them exactly what they asked for! And since it was late, and they were still warm when I frosted them, and I did mention how warm it was in my house?? They looked like this when I cut one open...

And then I turned it into a lovely bedtime snack with a really tall cold glass of milk :) Oh yes I did. And since it tasted WAY too good, the next day I boxed up the rest (almost...a couple got away) and took them to a friend at work. The last dilemma?

What was I to do with the leftover frosting? Not really enough to save...warm, gooey, chocolately goodness. sigh....I stuck that pan in the sink as fast as I could and filled it with hot water until it was shiny clean.

I'm going to try these again and do them up right. No overfilling the cups...no overbaking. Although, they were pretty good anyway :)

my daughter & her crazy cakes...

2009-06-29T09:44:00.005-06:00

So I just have to point you to my daughter's new blog...stop by and check out what she's been up to at My Crazy Cakes !!

I will be putting up a post soon...starting to see a bit more light in my days and feeling a willingness to finally talk about it a bit :) I could just say that I was so overwhelmed with joy that the Laker's won the championship that I haven't been able to talk...but that would make me way more weird than I actually am about basketball playoffs! Though I was pretty excited about the whole thing :)

I hope you are all enjoying your Summer! Take extra time to enjoy your kids...they just grow so darn fast!

I know this isn't a cupcake, but I did use my cupcake tin to make the crust :) And it was YUMMY!!

this made me smile...

2009-06-03T22:35:00.003-06:00

So I know I haven't been blogging lately...I have a lot on my heart and I will write about it soon, but for right now...the words just refuse to get written.

Tonight I was cruising one of my favorite blogs - Cupcakes Take The Cake - and I saw these:

This most definitely makes me smile :) see!! I am a weirdo about watching the NBA...I am also a big Laker fan. Evidently Crumbs bakery in LA is making these cuppies, and I think they are WAY cool since "my" Lakers are in the Finals and the series starts tomorrow night!! If I still lived in CA I would most definitely have to look these up. But since I don't (and I really don't ever want to do that again...there are just too many people living down there!!), I will have to be satisfied with this picture.

GO LAKERS!! :)

the grands...

2009-05-09T12:54:00.003-06:00

I thought it was time for some updated pictures of the boys :) I will let them speak for themselves...except the last one. This was taken after church and after the eggs were hunted on Easter. The boy loves to play (and lay!) in the dirt :) :)

where I live...living room edition

2009-05-08T20:46:00.015-06:00

Ok...I had again decided I was not going to post any pics of my living room...and changed my mind. As I explained last week, I still have boxes sitting around and now that I have focused on them...it's bugging me! I had planned to get some things done this week so my living room would be more in order...but it has been an amazingly busy, frustrating week. So...half done pics it is!!

Again, I am focusing more on the parts than the whole. I love old things. I like to imagine where they have been and who they may have belonged to. I don't really have any "family pieces" in my living room, but most of them have stories.

I can tell you, I have caught alot of grief for my old furniture. And some of it has been moved so much that it is almost beyond saving. But I find myself unable to get rid of even the worst of it...those rickety pieces are like old friends!

So...yes, I know you can see boxes in the room. I know that there is nothing on the walls yet, and there are no curtains or valances. But I am hopeful that very soon I will be able to make it more "homey".

If you want to continue the home tour, go check out Kelly's blog! There are alot of people participting this week!!

not me monday...

2009-05-02T12:43:00.002-06:00

This is my first blog post for "not me Monday"...so we'll see how it goes! If you want to see what it's all about, check out MckMama's site for more details!

The past week has been extremely challenging, and since I do NOT stress eat, I did NOT eat my way through a box a Cocoa Puffs & start in on some Honeycomb! (what? You don’t eat over priced, over sugared cereal for comfort??)

In deciding to participate in the “this is where I live kitchen show”, I did NOT move stuff off of my kitchen counter to take pictures! And I seriously have NOT moved any of it out of its’ hiding places yet either! I also do NOT know where I put some off it!

I did NOT spend most of the day Saturday touring the online kitchen show and did NOT drink almost an entire pot of coffee and did NOT enjoy myself immensely!

I also have NOT ended each and every sentence in this post with an exclamation point...that would be over the top!!!!!!!!!!!!!

carry on....

my kitchen...

2009-05-01T20:55:00.015-06:00

I have been following Kelly's blog for a little bit, and today she is doing "show us where you live Friday". I decided I would play along...then changed my mind when I looked at some of the beautiful kitchens already posted...then changed it back again :)

See, I just moved into my new place a couple of months ago, and I am FAR from having everything put together. I seem to be really busy lately, and the boxes are feeling right at home. Soon I need to get it finished!

So I took a couple of pictures...

Then I started looking around and realized that it isn't the whole kitchen I love, it is the pieces...

Brown Eyed Susan dishes...

My ruby slipper door stop from
Kim & the crystal from Poland
from my friend Red...

Great Grandma's bowl...

The old label on the coffee jar...

the dough table just like the
one on Sleepless in Seattle...

My red KitchenAid mixer!!
(thank you KCMae!!)

I realized that it is just like life. There are parts of it that are undone and a mess, but there are those parts of it you really love that make the rest o.k...parts you hold close to your heart that make you who you are. I love kitchens!!

may day...

2009-05-01T20:38:00.003-06:00

I spent a little time today trying to convince the 2 guys I work with that they needed to make sure they got their wives flowers for May Day. They both thought I was nuts. I know the tradition isn't to get your wife flowers...but, hey! why pass up such a good opportunity??

When I got home from work tonight, I noticed that I got a flower today :) Just one...but it made me smile. I consider it a little "may day hug from God" because He's thoughtful like that! I walked all around the yard and looked for other little beauties, but that was the only one :)

We are getting another little glimpse of Spring here in Montana. We had 80 degree weather about a week ago. Monday I had to scrape a couple of inches of wet snow off my car before I could go to work. Today...low 60's again :) Gotta love Spring in the mountain region!

the basket...

2009-04-30T22:41:00.001-06:00

It's just an ordinary basket...I've had it about 12 years...it's spent the past 4+ years in a box.

But look a little closer...

Do you see them?

Those white spots??

Those are pussy willows...

there have been new ones each year that this basket has been out of the box.

I don't know if they showed up the 4 years it was in the dark.

I don't know why they grow. I don't spray it. I don't water it. I don't do much except use it once in awhile for a breadbasket...or to take goodies to work.

When I get asked how that is possible because it is a "dead" basket...I just say it's because I believe that it will grow each year...so it does.

That's all...I just think it is incredibly cool and I wanted to share it :)

I'm always going to be "that" mom...

2009-04-26T17:30:00.008-06:00

This Saturday, I came to a realization. I will always be "that" mom...and I hope, "that" nani :)

Why did I set my alarm to get up early on a day when I really needed to sleep in? Why did I pull on a sweatshirt and prepare to spend a few hours outside...even though the temperature was a brisk 31 degrees? Why did I drive an hour to hang out in a crowd for only a few minutes of contact with the focus of my morning?
#32...that's my girl! She's just finishing up a 10K about 8 minutes faster than this same event last year :) I was so proud of her and excited! But she wasn't done...after the 10K, she ran a 5K...then a 1 mile run. They conquered the Trifecta!

That isn't what brought me to the realization that I would always be "that" mom. I actually came to that first thing in the morning. As I was driving up the street looking for a place to park, I looked ahead and saw the pack of runners going over the bridge (I had decided to not meet her at the start line, but rather be at the finish). There I was, in the middle of the street, and I had to stop...clinch in my throat & tears in my eyes...and ask God to keep her safe and give her strength.

There were many years of bleacher butt with this girl. She played a mean game of softball, (along with cheerleading and volleyball) both during the school season and for summer league. There were very few of those events I missed, and if I did...I felt an almost desperate need to be there. She is a married woman now, with 2 little ones of her own. But it still seems like yesterday I was getting up early and pulling on a sweatshirt and hurrying to be sitting on a cold bleacher seat first thing in the morning for a game (or 3 or 5). And I wouldn't of had it any other way.

We were recently watching her boys throwing a ball around their backyard. Her oldest is already displaying signs that he has a good arm, and I commented to her that she has many years of bleacher butt ahead of her :) And I know that even though she will complain about it once in awhile and wonder if there will ever be a time when Spring & Summer weekends will be about anything other than games or tournaments...she will love it. She will feel the physical pain of a "bad game" and want to take it away...all while showing a positive face and pointing out all the things that went right. She will want to stand up on the bleacher seat after watching a home run and yell "WOOHOO!! That's MY kid!!". Maybe they will like basketball more, and then at least it will be warm!

I think the emotion I felt as I watched the pack run by surprised me. I guess I expected that as the kids got older, these feelings would abate and not affect me as much. But I don't think that is going to happen. I am always going to be "that" mom that tears up and feels the successes (and perceived failures) of my kids & grandkids lives deeply.

My son & daughter in law have recently given me another reason to feel that heart clenching joy...come October, there will be 3 grandboys to love!! I can hardly wait...I like sweatshirts!!

Cake fun!

2009-04-26T00:17:00.010-06:00

The Saturday before Easter I got to spend a few hours with my daughter...just the two of us. That doesn't happen very often, and I had such a good time! We had been talking earlier in the week, and I asked her what she was doing on Saturday. She said she had been looking online and found these things she wanted to make out of cake...I said "cake pops?". Turns out we had been looking at the same website (Bakerella) so I asked her to come over so we could experiment together.

This was a fun learning experience, and a bit more involved than we originally expected. But it was fun! And then we were SO glad to be done!! I want to try these again (with a different design), and see if I can streamline the process a bit. But all in all, for our first time, I thought the results were pretty cute!

Here is what they looked like cooling in the freezer before we dipped them.

We did chicks & eggs...the eggs took a LONG time!!! Kristin was WAY better at the decorating part than me. We had to glue on each "decoration" individually with a corn syrup/water mix. The ones that look sparse are mine...the the good ones are hers!

After she went home, I bagged the chicks up individually for the kids. Kristin even made a special "girl" chick for my daughter in laws niece...see the bow in her "hair"?

My heart felt so blessed to get to share this project with my baby girl...even though she was a little feisty!!

It's me!

2009-03-29T22:39:00.002-06:00

I have been away from the blog for a lllooonnnggg time! Tonight I am only doing a quick post...and promising to try to be much better. I am posting this tonight (when I should be in bed on my way to dream land) because my heart has been heavy for days. There is a woman I have never met (only been following her blog for a few weeks) that I feel so close to that I can't really explain it Her small child, who is in himself a miracle, is fighting for his life. I am posting this tonight and asking you to be with me in prayer for little Stellan. I am amazed each time I go to check on them (many times a day) at the faith that is being lived out through this trial.

I'm not sure this will come out right (been gone to long and never really figured out how to post links anyway), but please pray for baby Stellan and his family. I know that God hears our prayers, even if I don't understand the plan He has in place.

.

yahoo!!!

2008-10-15T12:29:00.003-06:00

I have just been informed that tomorrow (October 18th)is national Chocolate cupcake day!! NATIONAL!! You can't NOT celebrate something like that! It would be like not celebrating Thanksgiving or 4th of July!

So do your part, and make chocolate cupcakes for your loved ones :)

where have I been?

2008-10-12T18:29:00.006-06:00

I have no idea...obviously not blogging! :)

I actually just got home from a weekend of grandboy sitting!! I had so much fun with the boys. I realized that Sean has a truly amazing memory! At one point yesterday afternoon, he had to get in trouble for something and he was not happy with me! About 5 hours later, when I was getting him ready for bed, he threw his arms around my neck and said "nani, I'm sorry I was mad at you". The kid isn't even 3 yet, but he has learned that "don't go to bed angry" thing. And Cash...well...he can work those brown eyes like nobodies business!! And yes, I know he isn't supposed to jump on the couch. But he was so cute and having so much fun and he gave me the "eyes".

When I got home, I noticed a note stuffed in the front door. It was from my landlord reminding me of the fire hazard of things sitting in front of baseboard heaters. I smirked and said to myself..."they won't be on that high for that long" because it costs WAY too much to heat this place. Did I mention that before going out of town for the weekend I turned off all the heat? Did I mention that we went from 70 to snow in one week? Yeah...should have thought that out a little more. As I pulled into the driveway, the thermometer said 36. It isn't that warm in my house. I shut the door to the spare room, and have every thermostat up on "melt". I also have the oven on with the door open. I had to use the facilities when I got home and was instantly reminded of the farm and the outhouse when I was growing up. In the winter our water would freeze and we had to use the outdoor room. Besides the dark & the spiders...well...I would stop drinking anything by about 2:00 because I did NOT want to go outside at night.

Here is a picture of the trees in my yard from last weekend. The leaves changed so fast!! I hope they hang around a while because they are so pretty. I wanted a chance to get down to the river to takes some pictures there, but I'm not sure that is going to happen. If it does, I will be sure to post them.

Alas, no cupcake to post tonight. I leave you instead with this photo from a blog I was directed to by my friend, purple. This is from a blog called Cake Wrecks, and this one made me laugh so hard I had to share it!

This was posted at http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com (can't get the link to work). Have you ever ordered a cake and very specifically told them how you wanted it written? It isn't even all the misspellings or the fact that the directions are written on...it is that it is written in pink! Cracking me up!!!

Be well!

fall is in the air...

2008-09-20T14:40:00.004-06:00

This is the kind of day I love! We have had an above average temperature kind of week...the kind I don't really like in mid September. The nights have been cool, so the leaves have started to change...but it just shouldn't be 85 degrees in September! But today...probably low 70's with a nice breeze. The clouds are moving in and we are supposed to enter into a rainy week. I hope it isn't too rainy, because I don't want all those lovely leaves to just fall off the trees!! Kinda picky, aren't I? :)

Fall always puts me into a "gathering in" frame of mind. Though I don't have a garden to actually gather in the bounty from, I have spent some time gathering memories into my heart to take out and enjoy during the coming winter. I have had the joy of spending a bit of extra time with the grandboys this past week, and that is always special. But I am also gathering in the words and actions of friends. I am so blessed to know some amazing people. I once heard a quote that goes something like "a true friend knows the song of your heart well enough to sing it back to you when you have forgotten it yourself". I am so thankful for those kinds of friends!

I have also collected several recipes that I am anxious to try! I love to bake on cool days, so I am anticipating being able to do that soon.
It is apple and pumpkin season...both begging to be baked into some sort of wonderful!!

I hope that you are also entering into a season of gathering, and that you are blessed!

mindless fun...

2008-09-13T21:21:00.003-06:00

If it’s bold (Italicized), I have…

1. Touched an iceberg
2. Slept under the stars
3. Been a part of a hockey fight
4. Changed a baby’s diaper
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Swam with wild dolphins
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a tarantula
10. Said “I love you” and meant it
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
20. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Bet on a winning horse
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Taken an ice cold bath
28. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Ridden a roller coaster
31. Hit a home run
32. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
33. Adopted an accent for fun
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Felt very happy about your life, even for just a moment
36. Loved your job 90% of the time
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Watched wild whales
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Gone on a midnight walk on the beach
41. Gone sky diving
42. Visited Ireland (not yet...but it's a lifelong dream)
43. Ever bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited India
45. Bench-pressed your own weight
46. Milked a cow
47. Alphabetized your personal files
48. Ever worn a superhero costume
49. Sung karaoke
50. Lounged around in bed all day
51. Gone scuba diving
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Done something you should regret, but don’t
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Been in a movie
60. Gone without food for 3 days
61. Made cookies from scratch
62. Won first prize in a costume contest
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Been in a combat zone
65. Spoken more than one language fluently
66. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
67. Bounced a check
68. Read - and understood - your credit report
69. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
70. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
71. Called or written your Congress person
72. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
73. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
74. Helped an animal give birth
75. Been fired or laid off from a job
76. Won money
77. Broken a bone
78. Ridden a motorcycle
79. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
80. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
81. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
82. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
83. Eaten sushi
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read The Bible cover to cover
86. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
87. Gotten someone fired for their actions
88. Gone back to school
89. Changed your name
90. Caught a fly in the air with your bare hands
91. Eaten fried green tomatoes
92. Read The Iliad
93. Taught yourself an art from scratch
94. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
95. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
96. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
97. Been elected to public office (PTA count??)
98. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
99. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
100. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
101. Had a booth at a street fair
102. Dyed your hair
103. Been a DJ (announced a baseball tournament with music between innings :)
104. Rocked a baby to sleep
105. Ever dropped a cat from a high place to see if it really lands on all fours
106. Raked your carpet
107. Brought out the best in people
108. Brought out the worst in people
109. Worn a mood ring
110. Ridden a horse
111. Carved an animal from a piece of wood or bar of soap
112. Prepared a dish where four people asked for the recipe
113. deleted this one...
114. Gone to a Broadway play (does off Broadway count?)
115. Been inside the pyramids
116. Shot a basketball into a basket
117. Danced at a disco
118. Played in a band
119. Shot a bird
120. Gone to an arboretum
121. Tutored someone
122. Ridden a train
123. Brought an old fad back into style
124. Eaten caviar
125. Let a salesman talk you into something you didn’t need
126. Ridden a giraffe or elephant
127. Published a book
128. Pieced a quilt
129. Lived in an historic place
130. Acted in a play or performed on a stage
131. Asked for a raise
132. Made a hole-in-one
133. Gone deep sea fishing
134. Gone roller skating
135. Run a marathon
136. Learned to surf
137. Invented something
138. Flown first class
139. Spent the night in a 5-star luxury suite
140. Flown in a helicopter
141. Visited Africa
142. Sang a solo
143. Gone spelunking
144. Learned how to take a compliment
145. Written a love-story
146. Seen Michelangelo’s David
147. Had your portrait painted
148. Written a fan letter
149. Spent the night in something haunted
150. Owned a St. Bernard or Great Dane
151. Ran away
152. Learned to juggle
153. Been a boss
154. Sat on a jury
155. Lied about your weight
156. Gone on a diet
157. Found an arrowhead or a gold nugget
158. Written a poem
159. Carried your lunch in a lunchbox
160. Gotten food poisoning
161. Gone on a service, humanitarian or religious mission
162. Hiked the Grand Canyon
163. Sat on a park bench and fed the ducks
164. Gone to the opera
165. Gotten a letter from someone famous
166. Worn knickers
167. Ridden in a limousine
168. Attended the Olympics
169. Can hula or waltz and polka.
170. Read a half dozen Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys books
171. Been stuck in an elevator
172. Had a revelatory dream
173. Thought you might crash in an airplane
174. Had a song dedicated to you on the radio or at a concert
175. Saved someone’s life
176. Eaten raw whale
177. Know how to tat, smock or do needlepoint
178. Laughed till your side hurt
179. Straddled the equator
180. Taken a photograph of something other than people that is worth framing
181. Gone to a Shakespeare Festival
182. Sent a message in a bottle
183. Spent the night in a hostel
184. Been a cashier
185. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
186. Joined a union
187. Donated blood or plasma
188. Built a campfire
189. Kept a blog
190. Had hives
191. Worn custom made shoes or boots
192. Made a PowerPoint presentation
193. Taken a Hunter’s Safety Course
194. Served at a soup kitchen
195. Conquered the Rubik’s cube
196. Know CPR (used to)
197. Ridden in or owned a convertible
198. Found a long lost friend
199. Helped solve a crime
200. Responded to a NJP newsletter (??)

a gift from my daughter...

2008-09-11T22:06:00.002-06:00

...and it just doesn't get any better than that!!

chairs...

2008-08-30T10:48:00.007-06:00

I turned my duplex into a home this week. I hadn't known what was missing, but I knew something was. As I said in my last post, I brought some furniture back from my trip last week. When my Grandmother passed away a few years ago, I was able to choose a few things from her home that I wanted to keep. Since I had no place to keep them, my brother & his wife held onto them for me. In bringing them here...it has made me feel at home. And the funny part of that is, part of it is still in my car!

I had given my mom's table & chairs to Jason & Jodie for their house...they looked really good there. I had a table I could use that worked just fine. I had one folding chair, and the chair that went with my little desk...that was all I really needed. It just never quite felt right though. When people came over to eat, we had to sit on the couch. When I opened the door at night...it just didn't feel like my home. And that changed this week. What I needed was chairs.

I brought this little high chair home too...everyone needs a little red to brighten up the place :) I don't know if it was used at my Grandma's house as a high chair, though she was known to keep stuff that wasn't used (see...I do come by it honestly!). I like to pretend that lots of little rumps sat on it, and that is why the paint is peeling away. My little Annie doesn't mind though!

I also have a rocking chair that was rescued from the burn pile at my other Grandma's years ago. It was taken apart and cleaned up...put all back together nice and sturdy. What it needed was a seat! It used to have a leather one, but that was the reason it was on the burn pile in the first place...it was all worn out. I always planned to replace it, but never got to it. When I moved out of state, Kristin was the lucky recipient of "I need a place to store this!", and it has lived in her garage ever since. She is more industrious than me :) What a joy to my heart when I walked into her house on Christmas day and saw that she had completed my task for me, and done a marvelous job!

The last couple of nights when I came in the door from work, my house has felt like "home". I haven't unloaded the table from the back of my car yet...I don't know where to put it! It matches the chairs, but that doesn't really matter to me :) I don't want to mess with the way things feel right now. I guess it will have to go to the garage for a bit...though I will have to move the Christmas tree over. Guess I better get to it!

Now I know that I should find a picture of a cupcake with a chair on it, but these are actually the ones I made for Jason's birthday this week...so I have to share!

a little time away...

2008-08-26T22:18:00.008-06:00

wow! I guess it is a little time away from home, and a little time away from blogging!

I was able to go to Oregon for a few days and visit family. The main reason for the road trip was to attend a baby shower for my new great niece (is that right?? I never seem to have that right...). Anyway! She is a doll, and I enjoyed getting to meet her and snuggle a bit! Then I had to stop when I got back in to town to smooch on the grandboys a bit :)

I also had the chance to go by my brother & sister in laws house to pick up some furniture they have been babysitting for me. My sister in law, Linda, always has such a beautiful yard...and this year is no exception! Even the garden club made her an honor garden for the month! So pretty!! It makes me want to go plant some flowers...even if it is the end of August already!! Next year, I am putting some in!

Visiting family seems to always be a mixed bag, and this trip was no exception. I am so glad I was able to go, but I was also ready to come home! Isn't it funny that it seems at once too long and too short?! I had the chance to renew old friendships, and hone some family relationships that needed honing :) I am thankful that life is a neverending process, and that we get the chance to try to make things better.

I guess I better unpack a few things and get myself to bed! Tomorrow I get to make birthday cuppycakes for my baby boy...who is not a baby anymore :(

a day well spent...

2008-08-18T22:52:00.002-06:00

Last Friday was supposed to be a day of catching up on paper work & cleaning. It was the first "real" day off I had gotten in a bit, and I had it all planned out. Then I talked to my daughter. Nothing major...just hearing something in her voice that prompted me to change my plans and head up the road for a visit. When they are little, it is that look that says "I need a cuddle on the couch"...when they are all growed up, sometimes you just have to guess :)

I can't express the joy that I feel when I just get to hang out and be friends with my daughter. We had more than our share of growing pains when she was in her teens. There was quite a stretch of time where I knew I wasn't even close to being her favorite person. Honestly, there were times I wasn't sure we would both survive the experience. But we did, and our relationship continues to change and grow. I am so thankful for that.

What did we do that made this such a stellar day? Well, I got to watch the grands go through some of their day to day stuff. We had pizza for dinner. I learned that you can't turn the camera sideways when you get the chance to record a fun video! (that refuses to post!!!)

And if all that wasn't enough...we got to spend 2 1/2 hours in Target just shopping around :) Doesn't sound like your idea of fun?? It really was :) Just hanging out...no arguing about what I wasn't going to buy her...remember, she's a growed up now. She has her own checking account! I did learn that if a 2 1/2 year old is waiting to be put to bed by mommy, that you can't show up with a new Harold the helicopter at bedtime without causing grief for mom & dad...after you go home though you get to be oblivious to the whole thing! But he was so excited :) :) And I'm the nani now...certain rules simply don't apply.

I wonder if my growed up boy likes to shop at Target?? hmmm...we'll have to look into that!

bits & pieces...

2008-08-12T19:06:00.004-06:00

My day started out with one of those "blink" moments. I was driving in to work this morning, and as I went down the hill I saw a beautiful buck deer...at least a 4 point (but quite possibly bigger). Did I have my camera with me...yes! Did I get a picture...no :( He was pretty skittish, and I knew by the time I got my camera out of the case...there wouldn't be a picture. So I just took a mental picture :) And after this, I'm gonna take my camera out of the bag while I'm in the car!!! You will just have to take my word that it was a cool way to start the day. This cupcake picture made me laugh out loud!

I got to spend a lot of time today reconciling accounts...lots of number crunching. I know it makes me a weirdo, but I really like it! I think the reason I do is that there is a problem and an answer. There aren't lots of different answers to choose from...just right or wrong. Balanced or not. I like problems that can be solved!

And the last part of my day to make me smile? A new mailbox!! Several weeks ago my neighbors had a party. About 2:30 in the morning (on a Monday!), one of their "guests" decided to smash our mailboxes. No...I didn't call the police. I have my reasons. Bottom line...I don't want these people mad at me. For the past few weeks I have had to hold the mailbox on the post in order to see if there is anything in it. Actually...the door wouldn't close all the way, so I could see if there was something in it :) It was only opening it to take that something out that was the problem! But today the landlord came through. A new shiny mailbox...with a flag :) Ahhh...simple joy. hmmm...I think I need to bake..................... **this isn't my mailbox...I just think it's cute :)

it's time for the Olympics!!

2008-08-08T22:14:00.004-06:00

I have always loved watching the Olympics. The opening ceremonies can get really long, but I find myself unable to turn it off. There are all sorts of political things going on, but for this moment...all is right with the world.

There are so many memories that stand out from year's past. I still cringe when I watch the diving as I remember Greg Louganis whacking his head on the diving board. I remember crying along with Dan Jansen as he speed skated his race only hours after getting the news that his sister had died of cancer. You can't get the smile on Mary Lou Retton's face out of your head (and I am hoping that Shawn Johnson will show that spirit this year!) after she cleaned her last vault.

As I type these, I realize that the moments that had the biggest affect on my were not "gold medal" moments. In moments of great pain and hardship, they persevered. We had a family friend that had qualified for the 1980 summer games in Moscow in track & field...this was the year that the U.S. (and many other countries) boycotted for political reasons. How hard would it be to train and devote years of your life to that goal, only to have it taken at the last moment?

Many years ago, I had the opportunity to meet Lisa Fernandez at a softball clinic in Oregon. When they added softball to the Olympics and she was chosen to pitch...that was very cool! I was miffed this year when she was passed over for the team :( I'm really bummed that this could be the last year for softball at the Olympics...that's just wrong.

Well...it's official. Let the games begin! :) And it is bedtime....

summer storm :)

2008-08-07T21:50:00.006-06:00

It was the kind of day where you just knew it was coming...low clouds...95 degrees...muggy...no air. And the evening did not disappoint. One of the things I missed about being away from Montana was the awesome summer storms :) And we had that "from one end of the sky to the other" kind of lightening tonight that about takes your breath away. The air feels like it went down about 15 degrees in 5 minutes!! Much better sleeping weather :)

So...you notice no post of the latest cupcake adventures of nani & the boy. I somehow managed to break a tooth and have been sort of sidelined by just trying to keep moving through the pain since Saturday night :( I finally got in to the dentist today, and I have been singing the praises of my new dentist all day :) Those of you that know me well know that I had a couple of bad dental experiences before, and getting myself in the front door of the office is a challenge. But I really like this one!!

Poor Sean did not get the best of his nani this past weekend, but he did get to go to church and "play with the kids" in the nursery :) He was so good, and we had fun. He loves anything Thomas the train, and he knows ALL of them!! So we had to go to the store and pick up a little something along the train line. Later when his momma & daddy came to get him, his daddy tried to trip him up on the names of the trains! But he really knows them well and did not allow his daddy to win that discussion! And next time, we will make cakes!!

As I finish this up, I hear sirens in the distance :( I also smell rain in the air, so we will hope & pray for the best!!

new pictures...

2008-08-02T22:30:00.006-06:00

I wanted to add a few new pictures of the boys...because this is my "space" and I can decorate it at will!!

freezing moments in time...

2008-08-02T21:45:00.003-06:00

I read a post on another blog I follow the other day entitled "blink". It talked about taking moments in time and freezing them in our minds like photographs. It really struck a chord with me, and I have been reflecting on some of those moments in my own life the past few days.

There are "happy" blinks, "sad" blinks and "life changing" blinks. All of them are so important in our lives as they all weave together to make us who we are. It reminded me of a story I heard once about God being the weaver of our lives. We see only the mess of the underside of our tapestry, while God sees the whole picture and knows it all to be beautiful. There is some of the light/dark play in there as well.

There are the gold threads, the ones that shine and give the tapestry light & joy. For me, the ones that stand out the most are these: the day I got married, the day I found out I was pregnant for the first time, and then actually holding that little boy in my arms, then I add another golden thread was placed on the day I had my baby girl...and got to watch her big brother hold her for the first time. There was a big golden thread added on the day I got the privilege of watching my first grandchild be born!

The day I was baptized again at age 40...knowing that my life had changed and that I wanted to live it the right way...that is like a beautiful silver colored thread that is weaving its' way all around my tapestry. It connects and intersects all through my life...from the first time I gave my heart to Jesus at age 10...to holding pieces together as I walked away through my adult years. There are places where it holds together lovely red pieces of joy, and there are places where it runs right through the center of some dark pieces of despair and sadness.

The dark threads feel like they are really a knotted up mess to me, but I know they play a part in the whole weaving, and I am thankful that they are there as well. The ones that stand out there are the death of my grandfather, my divorce, losing my business and a couple of personal defeats that I'm not ready to talk about yet. What I perceive as failure, I know that God is using to make me the person He wants for me to be. I don't really enjoy that part of the process, but I am grateful that He continues.

Again...not the post I intended on writing tonight! Sean is spending the night with me, and tomorrow after church we are going to make more cakes!! So I promise that the next post will be filled with the joy of frosting fingers and cupcake crumbs :)

a challenge...

2008-07-31T21:49:00.003-06:00

As I was driving home tonight, I was formulating a plan for what I wanted to say in my blog tonight (is that lame? I don't wanna know). So I am driving past this field near my house where they have buffalo. There was a little baby buffalo (do they call them calves?) and he was so cute! I thought "I can't write about him...I will never be able to find a buffalo cupcake picture!". Well guess what...I did!

It kinda looks like a mouse...but I promise it said it was a buffalo :) I know it only really matters to me that I put up a cupcake picture that marches right along with whatever silliness I feel I must put in writing. I think it is good to challenge yourself :) That's my story, and I'm stickin to it! I only wish I would have had my camera with me so I could show you how very cute this little guy was, and why he merited his very own post. You will just have to take my word for it!

And let me also just add...this had absolutely NO relationship to what I was planning on writing tonight. But, it is early, and I may be back!

light & dark...

2008-07-30T21:27:00.002-06:00

I was reminded tonight of my current favorite quote. "Without darkness, the light would be unremarkable." I am trying right now to keep that in the front of my brain.

It was brought to my mind on the way home tonight...much like it was the first time I read it. The sun going down at night can be remarkable or "ordinary". And lately, ordinary has been more remarkable than remarkable :) :) Because ordinary is more common. And when the sun just disappears behind the mountains, it leaves the mountains in a dark silhouette...and in light of this quote...it makes me smile.

If there were no mountains for the sun to slowly disappear behind, we would have light...then dark. But the mountains look awesome and huge when the sun acts like a spotlight behind them. They are remarkable!

It is like that in our lives, too. If we didn't have "bad" times to compare "good" times to...we would just have mundane days. Kinda boring. Now don't get me wrong, lately I've been yearning for a little boring!! But then in the midst of the trials and the darkness, somebody shines a light behind my mountain and makes it look amazing. And I am blessed beyond belief!

I have some pretty awesome friends that God has placed in my life. And several times over the past couple of years, they have allowed themselves to be used to bless me in remarkable ways. Today was one of those spotlight kinda days, and to say I was grateful would be an understatement.

I remember when my kids were little and some days it seemed like I just wanted to lock them in a closet (I would never really do that by the way...but what parent hasn't been tempted!)...it made the days when they were "good" and all was going well seem that much sweeter. Light & dark...both are blessings.

I hope your days have enough dark to make your light remarkable!!

my younger grandboy...

2008-07-29T21:07:00.005-06:00

I need to give young Cash equal time :) He is now 7 months old and is crawling, sitting up, and as of a couple of days ago, pulling himself up! His big brother walked at 9 months, so there may be some brotherly competition going here! He is sporting 3 whole teeth, and is a seriously cute little man :)

Cash is a pretty happy little man, and he loves his big brother. It appears that the feelings are mutual :) Sean has always shown love to his little bro. He gets frustrated sometimes, but never really seemed to be outwardly jealous. I love it when Cash get upset and Sean says "it's ok Cash" in this high pitched little voice.

No cupcakes for Cash yet...I'm sure his momma would not let me go there :) But I am on the hunt for the perfect ones! Maybe something like...

rainbows...

2008-07-28T21:40:00.009-06:00

Aren't rainbows amazing :) For one thing, we just don't get to see them everyday...so that makes them special. I also love that they came as a promise.

I can't imagine Noah floating around on the ark (he was actually on that big 'ol boat for more then 10 months!) knowing that everything he had on the ark with him was all that was left of the earth. I am overwhelmed by the depth of his faith. I can't imagine what he went through even getting it built...how he must have been made fun of and shunned by everyone. But he did what he was told.

You have to wonder at what point did his wife start wondering what she was going to do with her husband! I wish the Bible recorded some of the conversations with his children too :) Daadddd!! Are you kidding me!!! :)

But then, after they had done what they had been asked to do and persevered through months on a boat...with animals...came the reward. And the rainbow. God's promise that He would never again cover the earth over with water.

Rainbows are pretty personal to me as well. One summer when my kids were young (maybe about 7 & 9), I drove them to meet my parents so they could spend a week on the farm. We didn't ever really do much without the kids...we pretty much hung together and did stuff as a family. So leaving my kids with their grandparents and driving away from them that day was VERY hard! And me being me, I was crying like crazy as I drove down the road. For some reason, I was "talking" to my Grandpa about how sad I was and how I knew this would be fun for the kids since I had enjoyed so much the time I got to spend with him without parents around :) But I just didn't know how they would get through a whole week without me!

And then...there it was. The most beautiful rainbow :) I knew that my Grandpa had sent it to me, and I took it as his promise that he would watch over my babies for the week from heaven. See...my Grandpa K was pretty much the only adult in my life that I knew loved me unconditionally. He taught me my ABC's, he taught me how to count, he would take me for walks...even braid my hair :) He took me to the coffee counter in the grocery store to show me off to all his buddies. The waitress would give me a donut after each performance (hence setting into motion years of eating disorders...but I digress!). I loved him more than I can put into words. And I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he had sent that rainbow.

Every time I see a rainbow now, I make sure I say "hello" to him. Even after all these years, it still puts a catch in my heart and a smile on my face. I had the joy of having Sean spend the weekend over the 4th, and we made rainbow cuppycakes :) That made my heart smile!!

a word or two on puppies...

2008-07-27T21:29:00.000-06:00

This is one of my favorite pictures...it is my oldest grandboy, and his "puppy" Oly. They have a wonderful boy/dog relationship, and it is so fun to watch them interact. It makes me yearn a bit for a puppy at my house. But I can't have a puppy at my house. I'm really not home enough to have one anyway...but that doesn't mean I don't want one!!

This weekend, I have done a little puppy sitting for a friend that lives up the road. One of the dogs loves the water, and it reminded me of the lab we used to have.

I miss that dog SO much! She was the best dog!! Originally, she was bought with the idea that she would be trained to hunt. Only one problem...she was terrified of the sound of gun fire. But she was so smart, and just an all around cool individual :) She loved to play softball, and during the summer when the water was in the ditch, she could combine softball with an occasional swim in the ditch. She was in heaven.

When I was going through some crummy stuff, I would sit out on the front porch looking at the mountains. Tears were often involved. She would get the softball and sit at my feet. She would give me a bit...I would tell her what I was feeling, and she would be appropriately sympathetic. Then when she deemed "enough was enough", she would pick up the ball and plop it in my lap (or drop it on my feet) and it was time to move on. Her timing was always perfect.

For now, I will be satisfied with puppy visits at other homes. Maybe someday, I can have one of my very own. Until then, there's always these...

**the cupcake pictures I have been using are photos downloaded from photo sites online...not my own...yet!

I may be addicted already...

2008-07-26T21:50:00.000-06:00

I found myself thinking about things I wanted to write several times today :) I keep having to remind myself that, sooner or later, people may actually read this stuff...so be careful what you say. Then self says...my blog...I can do whatever I want! :) Yeah...I talk to myself quite often. And answer me. I have some very stimulating conversations...and I'm never wrong!

This has truly been quite a week. On Monday, we lost a friend. On Tuesday, I gained a grand niece!! A little red headed doll that I am so anxious to meet! And just surviving the past week at work should get me some sort of medal. But won't...because work doesn't "work" that way. I don't know how women that haven't been moms, to help them learn the fine art of multi-tasking, do it. I use my mom skills every day! Instead of fixing boo boos while I'm fixing dinner, I'm fixing the computer while I'm answering the phone while I'm receiving freight while I'm doing payroll!! Seriously! This cloning thing is sounding very good!!

The other thing that I am addicted to is...cupcakes. Truly. I have always been fascinated by them. I have had the thought of making a business out of it in my head for a long time. Just a little glimmer in the back of my brain...perking there with all the other little glimmers that will only see the light of day in my dreams. But cupcakes...I could seriously play around with that! Like I need another hobby :)

Time to prepare for tomorrow. I hope a nap is part of the afternoon plan...

mmmm.....

2008-07-25T23:03:00.001-06:00

that's all I can say about this...

Chocolate -coffee cupcake w/mocha ganache & mascarpone cream...trying this soon.

The line between grief and joy...

2008-07-25T22:07:00.000-06:00

This has been a real high/low kind of week. On Monday, a woman I greatly admired finally lost her battle with cancer. While I am so thankful that she now dances in heaven and is no longer in pain, I will miss her greatly. I learned more about grace from her than any other person in my life. I think the thing that touched me the most from her funeral tonight was the legacy she left behind.

The stories about the ways she touched the lives of her children, grandchildren (and I believe great grandchildren as well) were wonderful. There was talk about how she worked so hard to stay in their lives even though they lived far apart, and the tradition she had of making certain birthdays special. Hearing how she had called once a week to do Bible lessons with her grandkids that were being homeschooled was very "her".

This is the same woman, after all, that started a Sunday school class for women at our church last Fall...even though she was going through chemotherapy and really struggled to get there. She said that just because she was sick didn't mean she couldn't continue to serve. In fact, we are about halfway through our most recent study. In a folder in our classroom, divided by weeks, are handouts for each week yet to come. I'm not going to like seeing the folder for the last week be in front.

I shared with her daughter tonight that on Monday, as I was leaving work, I looked up into a beautiful sky...clouds above the mountains...and out of those clouds shot a bunch of beams of sunlight. I knew that heaven was not able to contain all the glory she was reflecting as she was welcomed home.

We are doing a Bible study during the week from Beth Moore called Believing God. The focus of the lesson right now is writing down your "story" so it will be recorded for after you are gone. We are talking about the heritage you pass on. Tonight, I find myself wondering how I will be remembered. Will it be as a cranky grandma that feels overworked and underappreciated sometimes? Will I leave any sort of legacy that my children or grandchildren will be proud of? I don't know.

So anyway...lots going through my head tonight! Might be a good idea to try to shut off my brain and get some sleep!! Hug your kids...real tight. And use the "good" dishes...with candles on the table. Even if it is hot dogs for dinner :)

The view from here...

2008-07-24T23:27:00.001-06:00

I've been thinking about starting a blog for quite awhile, and for some reason, 11:30 at night seemed like a good time! I will start with a picture I took from my front yard a couple of evenings ago. I feel so blessed to be able to live outside of town right now. I am up near the top of a hill, and though the wind blows fiercely sometimes, I also get rewarded with some beautiful sunsets.

So there it is...a long, newsy first post! More to follow...